We Went on a Fact Finding Mission to Hell

Yeah, we know; no update in over two weeks. Blah Blah Blah, Fap Fap Fap. So sue me. I got bigger problems then your amusement. Grown up problems involving complex combinations of money and shit.

I'm sorry. It's not you, it's just everything else. You just can't bust my balls like that all the time. I have a lot on my mind. Ok? Ok.

Captain Obvious drops some much needed insight here.
"No I don't have much homework to do, I just have to read the bible."
"OHMIGOD! That book is like, SO long!"

- Overheard by Abby in Hillside

These are the standards to which female Massholes strive towards. Thank god I'm from the Mid-Atlantic.
Female Superfan #1: I love Matt Ryan; I totally should have worn my Matt Ryan t-shirt to the pep rally tonight.
Female Superfan #2: Oh yeah! Because then he would've seen it and asked you to marry him.
Female Superfan #1: I know right? God, Matt Ryan have my babies. Matt Ryan totally ranks up there with like George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg.

- Overheard by Caroline in Lower

Yeah. Just like Mom used to make it, right?
Girl #1: So like, I told this guy I was gonna cook for him. I thought about doing pasta...you think that'll be good?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Good cause I was thinking like, I could take you know the Szechuan Chicken Lean Cuisine and mix it with the pasta and make it like a chicken and pasta thing...you think that'd taste good?
Girl #2: Oh my god that sounds soo good.

- Overheard by Lou and Jeff in Campus Convenience

And It Don't Stop...

Without getting too Al Gore on all ya'll, what in the fuck is with this weather? It's October, I should be wearing fuzzy sweaters, rustic colored corduroys, and wool socks. Instead, I'm sweating my balls off trying to cool myself with a pack of frozen peas, Homer Simpson style. Seriously, fuck this weather.

Yeah, I mean why should WOMEN get all the attention?
From Jeff: A guy and a girl were at one of the date tables in Lower and he was way more into the conversation than she was. They were talking about gender roles and he said,
"I'm really glad that there's a Women's Resource Center, I just think
it's wrong that they only focus on the female side of things!"

- Overheard by Jeff in Lower.

Saggy boobs are a relationship deal breaker for sure.
Flat girl to other flat girl: Whatever. I don't care what you say Katie. I'm not friends with her anymore. She has saggy boobs.

- Overheard by Caitlin.

Your parents must be so proud.
Girl to her friend: Oh I love the Police Blotter section of the Heights. It's like the only section that I'm ever in.

- Overheard by Nick, Eagles Nest.