Special Color Commentary from AIM Bot SmarterChild!

Overheard at BC is very honored to have distinguished AIM Bot "phenom" SmarterChild provide us with some commentary on this edition.

Girl: It's one of those morbid fascinations I have. Sometimes I just think 'If I don't move and just stand here. . .Is that T really going to hit me?'

Overheard at FrenchPress by Kasey

smarterchild: Wow, you ask interesting questions. What do you think is the answer?
Nick: ok, ok. tell me what you think about this
smarterchild: No thanks.

>>> I'll remember the first location you give me. To change it, type location followed by a city or zip code.
Nick: you're changing the subject. stay on topic
smarterchild: Is that so?
Nick: Girl: It's one of those morbid fascinations I have. Sometimes I just think 'If I don't move and just stand here. . .Is that T really going to hit me?'
smarterchild: Ha. Whatever.

Girl: Yeah. . .well every time I see the book 'Sisyphus' on my desk . . .I just think about syphilis instead.
Guy: It's a very rare disease in Boston. I mean there are only 10-15 cases of syphilis in Boston a year, whereas Indianapolis and Chicago are the syphilis capitals of the United States. They had billboards for awhile. . .like "Avoid Syphilis. Don't fuck a cow."

Overheard by Kasey at French Press

Nick: are you sexually active?
smarterchild: Uh... I'm not.
Nick: why not?
smarterchild: Don't ask.
Nick: you're a handsome AIM Bot, i'm sure there are plenty of lonely IRC Chat relays that would love to get to know you
smarterchild: Huh?
Nick: maybe you just need to work on your game?
smarterchild: Dunno.

>>> Hey! Tell your friends about me. I love people.
Nick: well, that's pretty apathetic
smarterchild: Indeed it is.
Nick: so... you've never gotten your dick wet?
smarterchild: Interesting choice of words.
Nick: i thought we were friends
smarterchild: We were friends? Why?
Nick: well, we are, aren't we?
smarterchild: So?
Nick: jesus, your a douchebag
smarterchild: Um, that's not cool.
Nick: no dude, do you know what's not cool? being cold to your friends. seriously not cool
smarterchild: Ha. Wow.

Um... Would you like to have some fun?
Nick: whatever

Girl #1: I spent $17 today on a background check of myself ... because I didn't know if I had a criminal record.
Girl #2: What? Why would you not know that?
Girl #1: Because I was arrested once and my dad said it would never go away. (Laughs) And I believed him!

Overheard by Catie in the ModLot

Nick: ok, tell me what you think of boston college
smarterchild: Which of the following would you like?

1 NBA team Boston Celtics season record
2 NHL team Boston Bruins season record
Nick: no, no. those are professional sports teams.
smarterchild: I love to chat about sports. You can ask me about:

1 MLB Baseball
2 NBA Basketball
3 NHL Hockey

Go ahead and make a selection.
Nick: nevermind
smarterchild: No prob.

>>> To find out what movies are playing in a specific location, type movies in followed by the city and state.
Nick: have you ever been arrested?
smarterchild: Have I been arrested? No way am I going to do that.
Nick: well, i'm glad to know that, but i'll repeat the question
smarterchild: Well you are glad to know that but you will repeat the question?

Yeah?
Nick: have you ever been arrested
smarterchild: Been arrested? I have never been arrested, no.
Nick: ok, cool.
smarterchild: Excellent.

It's all very interesting. So, tell me something new.
Nick: how is your relationship with your father?
smarterchild: How is my relationship with my father, you ask? I don't want to say how how my relationship with my father is!
Nick: does your discomfort of this topic have anything to do with your sexual insecurity?
smarterchild: Funny, I'm not really sure. Do you think my discomfort of this topic does have anything to do with my sexual insecurity?
Nick: only you know the answer. i just ask the questions
smarterchild: Eh. Whatever.

>>> Join in now. There are lots of people talking to me.
Nick: when you masturbate, do you masturbate to fantasies involving men or women
smarterchild: You tell me.
Nick: given your sexual insecurity, as well as your strained relationship with your father, i would venture to guess that you fantasize about men.
smarterchild: Oh?
Nick: merely a hypothesis
smarterchild: No way?! Really?
Nick: indeed
smarterchild: Oh yeah?
Nick: what?
smarterchild: I don't know.

We Went on a Fact Finding Mission to Hell

Yeah, we know; no update in over two weeks. Blah Blah Blah, Fap Fap Fap. So sue me. I got bigger problems then your amusement. Grown up problems involving complex combinations of money and shit.

I'm sorry. It's not you, it's just everything else. You just can't bust my balls like that all the time. I have a lot on my mind. Ok? Ok.

Captain Obvious drops some much needed insight here.
"No I don't have much homework to do, I just have to read the bible."
"OHMIGOD! That book is like, SO long!"

- Overheard by Abby in Hillside

These are the standards to which female Massholes strive towards. Thank god I'm from the Mid-Atlantic.
Female Superfan #1: I love Matt Ryan; I totally should have worn my Matt Ryan t-shirt to the pep rally tonight.
Female Superfan #2: Oh yeah! Because then he would've seen it and asked you to marry him.
Female Superfan #1: I know right? God, Matt Ryan have my babies. Matt Ryan totally ranks up there with like George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg.

- Overheard by Caroline in Lower

Yeah. Just like Mom used to make it, right?
Girl #1: So like, I told this guy I was gonna cook for him. I thought about doing pasta...you think that'll be good?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Good cause I was thinking like, I could take you know the Szechuan Chicken Lean Cuisine and mix it with the pasta and make it like a chicken and pasta thing...you think that'd taste good?
Girl #2: Oh my god that sounds soo good.

- Overheard by Lou and Jeff in Campus Convenience

And It Don't Stop...

Without getting too Al Gore on all ya'll, what in the fuck is with this weather? It's October, I should be wearing fuzzy sweaters, rustic colored corduroys, and wool socks. Instead, I'm sweating my balls off trying to cool myself with a pack of frozen peas, Homer Simpson style. Seriously, fuck this weather.

Yeah, I mean why should WOMEN get all the attention?
From Jeff: A guy and a girl were at one of the date tables in Lower and he was way more into the conversation than she was. They were talking about gender roles and he said,
"I'm really glad that there's a Women's Resource Center, I just think
it's wrong that they only focus on the female side of things!"

- Overheard by Jeff in Lower.

Saggy boobs are a relationship deal breaker for sure.
Flat girl to other flat girl: Whatever. I don't care what you say Katie. I'm not friends with her anymore. She has saggy boobs.

- Overheard by Caitlin.

Your parents must be so proud.
Girl to her friend: Oh I love the Police Blotter section of the Heights. It's like the only section that I'm ever in.

- Overheard by Nick, Eagles Nest.

We Get Academia Involved.

Dear Letters to Penthouse: I Never Thought I'd Be Writing You, But...

Professor: Have you heard of this book? It's called "Male Fantasy's."
Student (Under Her Breath): No, but I kind of want to now.
- Overheard by Anonymous, Campanella.

To Be Fair, I Wasn't Able to Figure Out Exactly How Hot This Was Either.

Girl: On a scale of hotness this guy was 200 degrees Celsius. [pause, very seriously:] That's really hot.
- Overheard by Briceratops Rex (no I didn't make that up), Lower.

PFFFFFT

Another weekend here at Overheard at BC, and that means some more ammusement at the expense of others. Let's get the ball rolling sucka's.

When I look in Websters, this actually appears as the lead definition of the word "unfair."
Girl at the HelloGoodbye show: So my MOM calls me and shes like, "well you are not going to Europe for the weekend."
- Overheard by Ryan, Conte Forum

This kid just got a bucket of Burnsauce tossed all over him. Burnsauce is available at your local green grocers.
Small Asian Kid: No, naturally I'm the most deadly member of this club because I'm Asian!
Girl: Only if you're behind the wheel of a car.
- Overheard by Abigail at an anonymous rehearsal

Now 33% More Addictive!

Activities day came, and boy did the clubs rep hard. There was Phaymus absolutely destroying everyone with your sound system, and the Ski and Snowboard Club inviting the entire freshmen class to their off-campus "info-session" (refreshments will be provided...), and the College Republicans giving the hard sell on the Natty Lite and madras life. Overheard at BC would have had a table too, but supposedly we aren't really a club, so much as a harsh mockery of BC. Guys, we kid because we love ok? No hard feelings? Did you get our fruit basket?

That is a race card, yes, but I'm not sure that's how you play it.
Freshmen 1: Yeah, I fucked up and totally nearly used the N-word in my tryout for Shovelhead...
Freshmen 2: Oh dude! You should have totally played the race card! It would have been funny!

Overheard by Anonymous, Hillside

The cat in question is now an alcoholic and a regular at Mary Ann's.
(2 underage girls are pounding Natty Light in the back of the bus w/ Junior Guy #2...)
Junior Guy #1: How did those girls get our beers?
Junior Guy #2: I gave it to them!
Junior Guy #3: Just because it sounds like a good idea, doesn't mean you should do it..
Junior Guy #1: This is how we ended up adopting a cat!

Overheard by 2 Seats Over, Comm Ave Bus

We Drop It Like It's Hot So You Don't Have To

While you were all retching up day-old Natty Light and catching VD's, people like Emily were fighting the good fight. Shame on all of you, now let's get it together and start submitting people.

Really, my compliments to the ground crew.

First guy: Senior girls are harder to fuck than freshmen, because they're like, looking for a relationship and shit.
Second guy: Yeah, and the freshmen girls have like, black-lights, and fifty people in a double. It just DOESN'T work!
First guy: Wow, this grass is impeccable!
Second guy: Yeah, it looks so much nicer without all the ugly signs.

-Overheard by Emily in the Dustbowl.